Mistakes
by wickedlylovely
Summary: Bella needed a way to escape the pain.She found one, but it ended being a mistake. now she wont talk to anyone. there is nothing that can change the way she feels.But her doctors are determined to make her whole again & call in the best Dr Carlisle Cullen
1. Preface

**Prologue **

_One more. Now another. Ok just one more and I'll stop. I need to stop. This isn't right. Oh but it helps me so much. _

_Suddenly the door opened, and there stood Charlie, staring at my arms, his face twisted in horror. "Bella what the hell are you doing" _

_The razor I held to my arm crashed to the floor. I continued to stare at my father's shocked face. How could I have done this to him? He didn't deserve this. He deserved better. Just like Edward deserver better. I wasn't good enough for anyone. _

_The last thing I remembered was the tears on Charlie's face before everything went black _


	2. White Rooms

**6 Months Later**

Another day in Hell. I stared at the white walls that surrounded me. I never thought I would hate the color white. But after staring at it for six months straight, you would get sick of seeing it. Everything here was white. At least they didn't make me wear white. They gave me a choice of white or blue clothes. I honestly didn't want to wear either. I detested white, and blue made me think of him. It was the color he said he liked best on me. But then again, that could have been a lie to.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the nurse coming into my room. She was a nice enough lady, but I still didn't like her. I didn't like anyone here. I didn't want to be here anymore. But they wouldn't let me go home. The said I wasn't well. If they were waiting on me to be well, then they must be planning to keep me forever. Without him, I was never going to be well. Ever.

"Bella dear, Dr. Marshall is ready for your session." she smiled at me. I would have liked to smile back, but I couldn't. I just stood and walk by her.

When I was sitting in Dr. Marshall's office, I felt myself shut down even more. I hated these sessions. All he wanted was for me to talk about how things were. How I felt. If I was still thinking about harming myself.

Why couldn't they understand that I wasn't hurting myself? That, what they considered self harm, was actually self pleasure. It made everything else go away. If I could just concentrate on the pain I was feeling on my arms, that I wouldn't think about him, or how he left me.

I didn't turn when he came in the office. He must dread these sessions as much as I. He knew I wouldn't talk. I stopped talking to everyone. The doctors, nurses, even Charlie and René. They still came by, they just didn't expect me to talk. I would just stare blankly. I knew it hurt them, and I really was sorry for that. I just couldn't bring myself to speak. It felt as though if I did speak I would lose control. I would scream and cry. I would break down and would never come back.

"So Bella, are you going to talk to me today. I would really like to talk to you. I know you want to go home. Your parents miss you. And your friends are worried."

Again, all I did was hurt the people I cared about. I should have just cut a little deeper that night. I wouldn't be forced to stay here. I wouldn't be hurting anyone anymore. I wouldn't have to feel the emptiness that I felt inside. When he left me, he took everything. And there was no getting it back. I don't know why everyone continued to try to fix me. I was broken beyond repair. Only one person could help me and he didn't care.

"Bella, I have made a decision to bring in another doctor. I think a fresh mind may be able to help you. He is a very good doctor. I worked with him for a while at a precious hospital. After the nurse takes you back to your room, I am going to call him and see if he can make a trip out here, and take a look at your case. Do you mind if I call him?"

I just stared at him. Not speaking. Not moving. He took my silence as a yes because he smiled.

"Ah, Bella, I can hardly get a word in edge wise." he chuckled darkly. "I'm going to help you get better. You're a beautiful girl with a bright future. You will see that there are plenty of boys out there. Just because one relationship didn't work doesn't mean that the world has to end."

I didn't listen to him. I was tired of his little pep talks. I stood and walked to the door. I didn't look back when he asked me to stay.

When I was safe in my room, I curled into a ball on my bed and silently wept.

I don't know how long it took for me to fall asleep, but soon I was in the woods back in Forks. I was lost. Searching for my lost love, knowing there was no way I could find what didn't want to be found. After running for what seemed like eternity, I collapsed on the wet ground. I looked up to the sky and saw nothing. Everything was black. There were no stars. No moon. Nothing.


	3. The Phone Call

**Edward's POV**

I was sitting with Carlisle in his office, when the phone rang. I glanced at the clock. 12:00 am. So I knew it wasn't a social call.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen speaking."

I listened into the conversation just out of curiosity.

"Carlisle! It's good to speak to you again. This is Samuel Marshall."

I saw the smile spread on Carlisle's face. I remembered the man from a case Carlisle had a few years ago. Dr. Marshall was a psychiatrist, and very good one at that. I wonder what has him calling Carlisle.

"I know it's very late, and I apologize for that, but Carlisle I need your help. I have a case that I have been working on for six months now and I have made no progress with her what-so-ever. In fact, it seems she has only gotten worse."

I watched as a frown made its way onto Carlisle's face. Mental patients weren't his specialty but he still knew more than most doctors.

"What caused her break-down?" Carlisle asked running a hand through his blonde hair.

"Her boyfriend left her. She completely broke down from what her parents tell me. They thought if they gave her time, she would get over it. But then one night her father walked in on her cutting her arms. They brought her to the emergency room, where they called me in. She just continued to say she was sorry. We decided to admit her to my facility for just a few days, a week at most. But she had another breakdown. She found one of the nurses' pens and took it to her wrist. She almost bled to death before one of the nurses found her on their rounds. After that we put her in the high security section of the facility. She is under constant observation. She hasn't had anymore suicide attempts but she also hasn't spoken since that night, not to me, any of the nurses or to her parents. It's been four and a half months since she said a word. She is a wonderful girl. I have talked to her friends and family, and they all say she was a wonderful girl who had a bright future and I just want to help get her back to that."

Listening to Dr. Marshall go on about this poor girl, it reminded me of Bella. Of how I left so she could get her future back. So she could go on and find a human man to love, one who could give her everything she deserved.

I shook the thoughts out of my head, and listened back to their conversations.

"I will do what ever I can to help Samuel. I'm sure we can help this girl get her life back. Where is your facility located?"

"We are here in Seattle, Washington. If you agree, I can have you a plane booked for tomorrow around noon."

I listened as Carlisle and Samuel finished up.

I sympathized with this girl. The pain we shared was great. To not have your other half. It felt as though you were literally ripped in half. My dead heart went out to this poor girl.

Carlisle sighed and put the phone down.

"The amount of pain this girl must have been in to try to end her life. And her family. Imagine what they must be going through. You understand why I need to take this case don't you Edward?"

I looked up at Carlisle confused. Why would I not understand? This girl needed help, and if any doctor could save her it would be Carlisle.

"Of course I understand. Why would it matter to me weather or not you take a case?"

Carlisle looked down at his hands. He seemed uneasy. Carlisle was never nervous or uneasy.

_I just figured that with Seattle being so close to Forks that you may object to my being there. _

I sighed. Of course he would think of me first. But this girl needed his help. And a Mental hospital was the safest place in Washington. There was no way Bella would ever be there. So I saw no reason Carlisle couldn't go. And maybe I could go with him, and just take a peek in on her. Just to make sure she was ok. No one had to know. She would never even know I was there.

"I see no problem with you going Carlisle. I was only wondering…do you think they would mind if I came along? I mean, I think it would be good for me to get out." I looked down as I said this. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. I felt horrible saying that to him. I knew he saw through me. But he smiled and nodded.

"I will just call the airport and have them add another ticket." Carlisle stood and walked out of his office to make his final rounds.

My heart clenched as I thought about seeing her again. It would kill me to see her with someone else, but I also knew that she would be happier and have a full life with someone human. To me, her happiness was wroth all the pain in the world.


	4. Blood

**Sorry i havent updated in so long. my internet is having "issues" and i dont know how offten it will let me on im posting 2 chapters now this on and one more. i promise to update as soon as i can lovers all of you

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Bella's POV

It was time for another group meeting. I really hated these things. We all have to sit together in a room and talk about how we feel and what we've done. I think it's pointless. Is it not embarrassing enough to have to tell everything to the doctor, and then have to tell everyone else here to? Why was I the only one that seemed to see this? I did as I always did in group. I went to the chair as far away from Sarah, the group leader, as possible. Sometimes she pretended like I wasn't there. That was when I almost liked her.

As everyone else filed in, you could see the groups forming. Just like high school. Everyone sits with their own. There were the anorexics, or as the attendants called them, guests with food issues. The druggies or guest with substance-abuse issues. And the rest like me, are the assorted psychos. We are called guest with behavioral issues. I hated all the technical terms they made us use. If someone called themselves a psycho for being here, they had their "points" taken away. "Points" are the facilities stupid attempt for order around here. You have to reach a certain number of "points" before they let you out of here. I had none, but that didn't surprise anyone. The only way you can get points is if you do well in group, in the one on one sessions, and are caught doing "good deeds".

Yesterday was a visiting day, where our family or friends can come in and view the freak show. Sarah wanted us to talk about what we did during our visit time. She said we would be going around the room today. _Great_ _just what I need. Everyone staring at the ugly silent girl._

I thought about just getting up and walking out but I knew that would cause me to be brought back to the doctor's conference room, which would lead to him going on and on about how there must be something I want to talk about since I had to leave. Apparently when I did this it meant I wanted him to drag me back in there so I could talk to him alone about whatever was bothering me.

So instead I looked out the window and pictured myself outside in the sun. I was back in Phoenix soaking in the sun. I was about to smile to myself when my daydream turned into a nightmare. I was back in that all too familiar meadow. It was sunny and he had his back to me. Then he turned around and smiled at me, with his beautiful crooked smile.

I was barley aware of Sarah beside me, holding me against her. Why was she holding me? Then I heard the crying. I wonder who was crying. Shouldn't Sarah be holding them instead of me? I felt the tears hitting my hands and I realized the sobs where coming from me. I didn't want to break down. That was the last thing I wanted. I tried to stop but they seemed to only come out harder.

Sarah and one of the nurses carried me back to my room. The sat me on the bed and asked if I were alright. What kind of stupid question was that? If I were alright I wouldn't be locked up in the loony bin. I want to scream this at them. But I just lay down on my bed and ignored them until they gave up and left.

The older scars on my arms were itching. I lifted my sleeves up and looked at them. They were ugly and disgusting. They looked just like me. I closed my eyes and thought about my chances of getting caught if I pulled my secret out from under my mattress. I sighed and said what the hell. I reached under and pulled out a beautiful shinny safety pin that I snatched off the front desk when no one was looking. I was saving it for when I would need it the most, and right now, with his smile still haunting me when I closed my eyes, well it seemed as good a time as any. I cried as I felt the pain spread across my arm.

**Edward's POV**

I was waiting with Carlisle while we waited on Dr. Marshall to arrive. When he came through the door, I caught a whiff of freesia. It wasn't strong, very light but there. It broke my heart to smell that. Someone here must have gotten them as a gift or something.

"Carlisle! Its good to see you. Terrible terms but still a pleasure. Now would you like to go over her case or meet her? She should be out of group by now. I don't believe they were planning to do much besides talk about visiting day yesterday. And considering she wont talk to anyone…well its bound to be short."

I saw Carlisle stiffen. _Blood. No. Edward, leave the building now! don't breathe just get out NOW!_

I did as he said. I held my breath. I hadn't hunted in a while so I assumed that's why he was acting this way. I didn't stop to question him though.

"Dad, im just going to go around town while you work." I was just about to walk out of the door when it opened. I had been so busy trying to figure out why Carlisle was acting this way that I hadn't noticed her thoughts.

"Dr. Marshall, suicide attempt. We have the bleeding controlled but she is being…difficult."

I took a glance at Dr. Marshall. He looked terrified. _please don't let it be her._

"is it.." the nurse nodded.

I didn't want to be here for any more of the conversation. I walked as fast as possibly until I was out of the building.


	5. What did we do

**Carlisle's POV**

As soon as I smelled her blood I knew I had to get Edward out of here. I had smelled her open blood enough times to know it was her beyond a doubt. I wasn't worried that he would attacker her. No far from that. I was afraid of what it would do to him if he knew she was apparently the girl who was repeatedly trying to end her own life. 

When I was sure Edward was far enough away, I followed Samuel to Bella. When I saw her so cold and white it broke my heart. The blood was still coming fast from her wrist, even through the thick white gauze they wrapped around the wound. I looked around to see what she could have done this with. Not far from her lay a bloody safety pin. I sighed. What had we done to her?

**Bella's POV**

I could hear people in my room. I felt it when they wrapped my arm up. I guess while I was crying, I had cut a little to deep. I hadn't meant to. This wasn't like with the pen. I simply wanted to feel better this time. I hadn't tried to kill myself. I just didn't want to think about his smile in the meadow.

I felt cold hands stroke my cheek. I realized they were wiping away tears. For some reason, these cold hands comforted me. They weren't like the other cold hands of the doctors here. They reminded me of something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. 

I felt something stick my arm and I hissed in pain. Then I stared to drift and I was almost certain I was flying. Then everything went black.


	6. Just a Peek

**EPOV**

I walked at a fast human pace to my Volvo. Once I was on the road I didn't think twice about where I was going. I would take the car to the old house and run to Bella's. I would check on her and nothing more. I would see that I was right and that she is better off without me in her life.

I tired to prepare myself to see her with someone else. Hopefully she would have better taste then to fall for that foul Mike Newton. Then again anyone I saw her with wouldn't be good enough for her, but they would be a great deal better than me.

When I was out of the car and running I became nervous. What if she wasn't over me? Would I be strong enough to leave again?

I stopped when I reached the edge of the woods by her house. I saw Charlie's cruiser parked in the drive and Bella's truck was under a tarp beside the house. That old piece of junk must have died on her. I told her she needed a new one.

I climbed the tress beside her window. Just a peek nothing more. I looked in and saw her room wasn't much different than it was the day I hid her things under the floor board. I could see a thick layer of dust on all of her things. That wasn't like Bella at all. She didn't like dust, it made her sneeze.

I decided to take a look down stairs. Maybe I could pick something out of Charlie's head.

_I miss her so bad. The other day was so horrible. She looks so sad and lost. I swear if I ever see that boy again I'll kill him for what he has done to her. _

the images off Bella in Charlie's mind were enough to knock the breathe out of me. That couldn't be my Bella.

My thoughts were stopped by the shilling ring of the phone. Charlie debated answering it, but thought it might be about Bella.

"Chief Swan? We need you down here. The doctor would like to speak to you. Its urgent."

Charlie ran his hand down his face. " what's wrong. Is my daughter ok?"

"Yes sir. She is stable now. They sedated her but we would like you to come down as soon as possible please."

"yea I'll be there in a few minutes." Charlie slammed the phone down and placed both hands over his face. Suddenly he picked up the lamp and hurled it across the room.

" I hope those damn Cullen's are happy!"

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ok i know this is like really short and that i havent updated in a LONGGGGGGGGGGG time. im sorry :( i really truly am**

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